When the going gets tough, the tough get going! Those words have been the my daily motivation to get through the rough patches our family has been through in the last three months. The only constant has been change and the universe has reminded me that love and compassion are all that you need. I feel like we've been in the center of a tornado and managed to hold onto each other. We are here and we are good.
Anjali started preschool in July and the first couple of months were good. She was all smiles and had no aggression at all at school. She was adjusting well there though she had a few tough challenges with getting through nap time. A doll helped as a comfort object to get her through her nap time at school. She refused to nap there but was content to just stay on her cot and play with her toys (a few more toys got added to get comfort bunch). Then, the school did something unexpected! They moved her to the next class for older kids (3.5 - 4 years). Anjali changed overnight. Poor baby regressed literally by over a year. She was aggressive at home and at school. She assumed an old defiant avatar and pushed and pulled at us. She was so mad at me for leaving her and at the same time so anxious to go to school. She refused to listen to us and nothing worked to soothe her. No amount of hugs, kisses or disciplining seemed to make a difference. I did it all. Pulled every trick out of the bag. Nothing worked! I bought her new dolls. I kissed her a 1000 times and didn't let her out of my arms or my sight when she was home. But, nothing worked. We were exasperated and so sad. My heart broke for my sweet angel who just couldn't handle the situation. I spoke to her teachers at length daily. I asked them to be patient with her, to give her time-ins and to promise her that I would be back. I finally started with small bribes. Five m&m's if Lily got through the day without hurting a friend. That seemed to lessen the aggression at school. Lots of praise also helped her understand that 'good girl' behavior got rewarded. I added in a show to her after-school routine as another reward. Soon, her issues at school lessened. At home, it was harder. We were in the process of getting our home built (we moved last week). We were getting busier and Anjali just wasn't herself. She was very moody and tantrums would erupt every two minutes with a good dose of drama thrown in. Some of it was her being a 'threenager' but most of it was her just being unable to stay centered. We were in crisis mode and I just could not get myself to medidate. I rushed to get all the chores done in the morning so that when Anju was done with school, I was a 100% there for the kids. Dhruv started acting out too in the midst of all of this. I honestly don't know how J and I kept smiling or going.
Janardhan and I spent so many hours talking about what we could do to be there for both the kids. We just did nothing else but play, soothe and kiss them for over a month. In the meantime, we visited our home often and coordinated all the paperwork and inspections as the move came closer. It is funny. But, when you are in crisis mode, getting home, mortgage and insurance paperwork seem to be a breeze in the sense that you somehow know that they will all get done in good time. Our home closed a month earlier than we had anticipated! Miraculously in the middle of all this turmoil (I also had two weeks worth of health issues), things on the home front went smoothly and we moved in last week.
With the move to our new home, some changes happened. The kids, both seemed to ease out a bit. Dhruv and Anju were thrilled to see all their toys that went to storage. Anju loves having a room that is her own (though she sleeps in Dhruv's room). She says with lots of pride, ' Let go papa (baby) room!' She found a doll and a blanket that she had forgotten about and now goes everywhere with them. She doesn't take them to school though they ride in the car with her. She has improved from asking me about a 100 times in a day if I'll be there to pick her up to asking it about 10 times in the course of the day. Some things are non-negotiable still: like mom (as opposed to dad) dropping her off and picking her up from school, weekend naps are with dad ONLY, week day naps require me to be next to her the whole time, Anju picks her own clothes and socks and the toys that accompany her to school everyday. All these are a small price to pay as Anjali seems more herself these days. She still has some days that are harder than others but the defiant avatar has gone down. She is more obedient (and so is Dhruv) and less tantrum-y.
I miss Anjali a lot when she goes to school. Academically she is doing quite well and is speaking a LOT. But, she is so tiny that I feel like protecting her every second of the day. I hope the kids are not bullying her. I hope she is eating enough and napping enough at school. I hope she understands what the teachers are saying. I worry sometimes. I wish mom's could put a love-shield on their kids to keep them safe all the time.
With the craziness around us, the one thing that held us together was LOVE. I know it sounds cheesy but that is all that we've truly got to give to others and ourselves. Love and compassion towards Anjali and her love and compassion towards us are what brought us together. During Dhruv's hardest moments, Anjali would go up to him and say, "Calm down Dhruva. I hug you and kiss you." She even asked me to calm down once. Hehe! We've wiped tears off each other's faces quite a few times in the last few months. Change has been unsettling and settling. Life just is. We cannot change it's course as much as we would like to. But, that said, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I know my daughter is going to be up and running through all of it. My tiny powerhouse of a child let's nothing get in her way. My biggest prayer is that she never forgets that.
Anjali started preschool in July and the first couple of months were good. She was all smiles and had no aggression at all at school. She was adjusting well there though she had a few tough challenges with getting through nap time. A doll helped as a comfort object to get her through her nap time at school. She refused to nap there but was content to just stay on her cot and play with her toys (a few more toys got added to get comfort bunch). Then, the school did something unexpected! They moved her to the next class for older kids (3.5 - 4 years). Anjali changed overnight. Poor baby regressed literally by over a year. She was aggressive at home and at school. She assumed an old defiant avatar and pushed and pulled at us. She was so mad at me for leaving her and at the same time so anxious to go to school. She refused to listen to us and nothing worked to soothe her. No amount of hugs, kisses or disciplining seemed to make a difference. I did it all. Pulled every trick out of the bag. Nothing worked! I bought her new dolls. I kissed her a 1000 times and didn't let her out of my arms or my sight when she was home. But, nothing worked. We were exasperated and so sad. My heart broke for my sweet angel who just couldn't handle the situation. I spoke to her teachers at length daily. I asked them to be patient with her, to give her time-ins and to promise her that I would be back. I finally started with small bribes. Five m&m's if Lily got through the day without hurting a friend. That seemed to lessen the aggression at school. Lots of praise also helped her understand that 'good girl' behavior got rewarded. I added in a show to her after-school routine as another reward. Soon, her issues at school lessened. At home, it was harder. We were in the process of getting our home built (we moved last week). We were getting busier and Anjali just wasn't herself. She was very moody and tantrums would erupt every two minutes with a good dose of drama thrown in. Some of it was her being a 'threenager' but most of it was her just being unable to stay centered. We were in crisis mode and I just could not get myself to medidate. I rushed to get all the chores done in the morning so that when Anju was done with school, I was a 100% there for the kids. Dhruv started acting out too in the midst of all of this. I honestly don't know how J and I kept smiling or going.
Janardhan and I spent so many hours talking about what we could do to be there for both the kids. We just did nothing else but play, soothe and kiss them for over a month. In the meantime, we visited our home often and coordinated all the paperwork and inspections as the move came closer. It is funny. But, when you are in crisis mode, getting home, mortgage and insurance paperwork seem to be a breeze in the sense that you somehow know that they will all get done in good time. Our home closed a month earlier than we had anticipated! Miraculously in the middle of all this turmoil (I also had two weeks worth of health issues), things on the home front went smoothly and we moved in last week.
With the move to our new home, some changes happened. The kids, both seemed to ease out a bit. Dhruv and Anju were thrilled to see all their toys that went to storage. Anju loves having a room that is her own (though she sleeps in Dhruv's room). She says with lots of pride, ' Let go papa (baby) room!' She found a doll and a blanket that she had forgotten about and now goes everywhere with them. She doesn't take them to school though they ride in the car with her. She has improved from asking me about a 100 times in a day if I'll be there to pick her up to asking it about 10 times in the course of the day. Some things are non-negotiable still: like mom (as opposed to dad) dropping her off and picking her up from school, weekend naps are with dad ONLY, week day naps require me to be next to her the whole time, Anju picks her own clothes and socks and the toys that accompany her to school everyday. All these are a small price to pay as Anjali seems more herself these days. She still has some days that are harder than others but the defiant avatar has gone down. She is more obedient (and so is Dhruv) and less tantrum-y.
I miss Anjali a lot when she goes to school. Academically she is doing quite well and is speaking a LOT. But, she is so tiny that I feel like protecting her every second of the day. I hope the kids are not bullying her. I hope she is eating enough and napping enough at school. I hope she understands what the teachers are saying. I worry sometimes. I wish mom's could put a love-shield on their kids to keep them safe all the time.
With the craziness around us, the one thing that held us together was LOVE. I know it sounds cheesy but that is all that we've truly got to give to others and ourselves. Love and compassion towards Anjali and her love and compassion towards us are what brought us together. During Dhruv's hardest moments, Anjali would go up to him and say, "Calm down Dhruva. I hug you and kiss you." She even asked me to calm down once. Hehe! We've wiped tears off each other's faces quite a few times in the last few months. Change has been unsettling and settling. Life just is. We cannot change it's course as much as we would like to. But, that said, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I know my daughter is going to be up and running through all of it. My tiny powerhouse of a child let's nothing get in her way. My biggest prayer is that she never forgets that.
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