Anjali turned three years old in March. We flew down to Florida to celebrate her birthday with my husband's family. Anju loved her Minnie themed birthday celebration and was all smiles. She has become in a 'big' girl in many ways now.
Some of Anju's 'big kid' steps include:
We started out this year on a great note. January and February saw Anjali make huge progress in every way. She was connected and attached to all three of us. Her neediness was very healthy. Everything changed when we went down to Florida to celebrate her birthday. She had a really hard time transitioning back to normalcy when we returned. So, I am going to break this post down into Pre-Florida and Post-Florida sections.
Pre-Florida:
Pre-Florida Anju was calm, centered, happy and mischievous (in a good way). She just followed Dhruv around and to see them play a game for twenty to thirty minutes without a fight was just awesome. J and I were able to sit and chat without being interrupted and Anjali was just so settled that it made us happy. She loved sitting on our laps and just playing. Entertaining herself and full of laughter and joy. She was a complete mama's girl and just wanted to be with me all the time.
Anjulily started pre-school in February. We were nervous about Anju's transition from being home all day long to being away for three hours a day. She was worried and almost cried when I left but she is a brave kid and was able to transition without any issues (at school at least). At home, it was a bit up and down. She is definitely more clingy and calls out to us in the night. Usually, she just needs a kiss and reassurance that we are right there but around 3 a.m., I switch spots with her and she moves to my bed. This way, I get a few hours of continuous sleep and she gets to snuggle up with her dad. In general, Anju seems to be enjoying her time at school. She is developing social skills and picking up new words. It is really cute to hear her say 'thank you' and 'excuse me.' The fact that her preschool gives her a breakfast and a snack in those three hours is a huge plus for her as she gets to eat so many different things in a day. She is learning to sit and focus on an activity for a few minutes at a time.
Post-Florida:
We decided to fly down to Florida to celebrate Anjali's third birthday. It was our first flight journey after returning from India last January. We flew on the red-eye so it was great. The kids just slept all the way through. Not much fun for me as I had two kids sleeping on my lap but it was better than them jumping all over me. :) Dhruv and Anju were thrilled to see their grandparents and my sister-in-law and her family. They both adore their baby cousin and spent quite a bit of time trying to interact with her. Our niece is a year old and I think she was pretty curious about these two kiddos vying for her attention. The kids enjoyed the sunshine and played a lot outside. Anjulily was very excited about her birthday and it is so cute how much attention she paid to all the things we had set up for it. She loved her presents too and all the love.
Things were good initially and then we saw Anjali go through her usual regressions when she is around extended family. She was overstimulated, ran around a lot, did not eat much and challenged our (J and my) authority. She completed disconnected from Dhruv when we were at my in-law's home. If we went out of the home, she was great and bonded with him but at home, she wanted nothing to do with him (or me at times). She was very clingy with Janardhan, which is totally understandable since she is a daddy's girl and seeks his arms for comfort when she is anxious. She would ask Dhruv and us to 'go away' when she didn't want to be around us. It was hurtful. Very hurtful for Dhruv who bawled his eyes out as his baby sister all of sudden did not want to be around him. We were glad to come back home, hoping that Anjali would be less anxious but the first three weeks were a nightmare. She truly regressed. She firstly was not happy to be back. I think she thought we had left this place behind forever like every place we visited in India. She wanted to hit, pinch and hurt us all the time and would not listen. Ignoring or disciplining just did not work at all. She just didn't seem to care. She was aggressive at school and at home. I have to say, it was really hard seeing our baby suddenly be so anxious and unhappy. I was just lost and losing energy. Anju is our angel and to see her lose her inner peace was hard. We know that adopted kids grieve and the grief comes back in cycles. This one just took us by surprise as she had been doing so well before our trip. We knew the flight journey would be hard and being away from home would be hard. But, being back home that seemed like the hardest for her!
It took us weeks to realize that first step towards her being happy is to see us repeat the behavior we had shown in the past, We went back to staying calm and working with Dhruv to react calmly. We went back to giving Anju time-ins. We just held her in our arms till she relaxed. If she jumped off, I would show her my sad face and say "I love holding my baby." and she would climb back in to my lap. I promised her I would be back after snack time to get her from school. If she called out in the night, she could come and sleep with us. I told her over and over again and that "home is where Nana (daddy), mama and anna (big brother) are." We told her over and over again how much we loved her. How she was our doll. We gave her lot of praise for good behavior and Dhruv also clapped and cheered her on. Slowly over time, she is back to being herself. I rewarded her with m&ms if she was good at school and this worked. In just a day, she stopped the behavior she had started at school. She loves candy so just discussing the m&m colors gets her excited. She gets them these days too on and off whenever she asks for them but she feels proud when I pick her up. She tells me what all she did and how she played with her friends. She gives me a report and glows with happiness when I say she is always a good sweet little girl. Progress is slow. Some days are easy with Anju and she is just herself. Smiling, mischievous, compassionate, helpful and ever lovable. Some days, she has it a little harder. I wish I could read her mind and know what is going on. I don't want her to feel grief or sadness. I know we cannot undo the Florida trip or it's aftermath. Part of me wants to analyze it and see what might have triggered her regression. The rest of me is just so grateful to see Anju be a 'lilypot' again.
Meditation has been my mantra. I meditate every day for 20 minutes. It has helped me so much. It keeps me in a place of love and gratitude. That's the place I want to live in.
Us. Anju's family. We all learnt a little more about each other in the last two months. Peeling the layers off each other is painful at times. But, I know that love is what brings down these layers. I will end my super long post on that note. Hope you have a lovely day!
Some of Anju's 'big kid' steps include:
- Being the boss: Yes. She makes decisions all by herself and even says "Got it?" to ensure that we will be obeying her commands. :)
- Eating on her own. This one is huge. She is able to hold her attention long enough to eat most of her meal all by herself. She likes to be fed towards the end but that's mostly so that she can multi-task.
- Speaking long sentences. Anjali has really picked up and is speaking so clearly and so well. She even makes little jokes these days and finds herself super funny. Poop jokes seem to be her thing! Unfortunately her brother finds those the funniest!
- Anju is a preschooler now!!! This is a big one and a topic all by itself.
- Little Miss Independent: Anju likes to dress and undress herself. Put on her own socks and shoes. Eat by herself. Get herself in and out of a car. This is great as she is building a lot of confidence. On the other side, attempting to help her with the task or telling her that she cannot do something usually ends up with her throwing a tantrum. I love her independence and her sense of accomplishment but it is challenging when a child wants to get in to the car by herself when you are parked on the road and there is a lot of traffic.
We started out this year on a great note. January and February saw Anjali make huge progress in every way. She was connected and attached to all three of us. Her neediness was very healthy. Everything changed when we went down to Florida to celebrate her birthday. She had a really hard time transitioning back to normalcy when we returned. So, I am going to break this post down into Pre-Florida and Post-Florida sections.
Pre-Florida:
Pre-Florida Anju was calm, centered, happy and mischievous (in a good way). She just followed Dhruv around and to see them play a game for twenty to thirty minutes without a fight was just awesome. J and I were able to sit and chat without being interrupted and Anjali was just so settled that it made us happy. She loved sitting on our laps and just playing. Entertaining herself and full of laughter and joy. She was a complete mama's girl and just wanted to be with me all the time.
Anjulily started pre-school in February. We were nervous about Anju's transition from being home all day long to being away for three hours a day. She was worried and almost cried when I left but she is a brave kid and was able to transition without any issues (at school at least). At home, it was a bit up and down. She is definitely more clingy and calls out to us in the night. Usually, she just needs a kiss and reassurance that we are right there but around 3 a.m., I switch spots with her and she moves to my bed. This way, I get a few hours of continuous sleep and she gets to snuggle up with her dad. In general, Anju seems to be enjoying her time at school. She is developing social skills and picking up new words. It is really cute to hear her say 'thank you' and 'excuse me.' The fact that her preschool gives her a breakfast and a snack in those three hours is a huge plus for her as she gets to eat so many different things in a day. She is learning to sit and focus on an activity for a few minutes at a time.
Post-Florida:
We decided to fly down to Florida to celebrate Anjali's third birthday. It was our first flight journey after returning from India last January. We flew on the red-eye so it was great. The kids just slept all the way through. Not much fun for me as I had two kids sleeping on my lap but it was better than them jumping all over me. :) Dhruv and Anju were thrilled to see their grandparents and my sister-in-law and her family. They both adore their baby cousin and spent quite a bit of time trying to interact with her. Our niece is a year old and I think she was pretty curious about these two kiddos vying for her attention. The kids enjoyed the sunshine and played a lot outside. Anjulily was very excited about her birthday and it is so cute how much attention she paid to all the things we had set up for it. She loved her presents too and all the love.
Things were good initially and then we saw Anjali go through her usual regressions when she is around extended family. She was overstimulated, ran around a lot, did not eat much and challenged our (J and my) authority. She completed disconnected from Dhruv when we were at my in-law's home. If we went out of the home, she was great and bonded with him but at home, she wanted nothing to do with him (or me at times). She was very clingy with Janardhan, which is totally understandable since she is a daddy's girl and seeks his arms for comfort when she is anxious. She would ask Dhruv and us to 'go away' when she didn't want to be around us. It was hurtful. Very hurtful for Dhruv who bawled his eyes out as his baby sister all of sudden did not want to be around him. We were glad to come back home, hoping that Anjali would be less anxious but the first three weeks were a nightmare. She truly regressed. She firstly was not happy to be back. I think she thought we had left this place behind forever like every place we visited in India. She wanted to hit, pinch and hurt us all the time and would not listen. Ignoring or disciplining just did not work at all. She just didn't seem to care. She was aggressive at school and at home. I have to say, it was really hard seeing our baby suddenly be so anxious and unhappy. I was just lost and losing energy. Anju is our angel and to see her lose her inner peace was hard. We know that adopted kids grieve and the grief comes back in cycles. This one just took us by surprise as she had been doing so well before our trip. We knew the flight journey would be hard and being away from home would be hard. But, being back home that seemed like the hardest for her!
It took us weeks to realize that first step towards her being happy is to see us repeat the behavior we had shown in the past, We went back to staying calm and working with Dhruv to react calmly. We went back to giving Anju time-ins. We just held her in our arms till she relaxed. If she jumped off, I would show her my sad face and say "I love holding my baby." and she would climb back in to my lap. I promised her I would be back after snack time to get her from school. If she called out in the night, she could come and sleep with us. I told her over and over again and that "home is where Nana (daddy), mama and anna (big brother) are." We told her over and over again how much we loved her. How she was our doll. We gave her lot of praise for good behavior and Dhruv also clapped and cheered her on. Slowly over time, she is back to being herself. I rewarded her with m&ms if she was good at school and this worked. In just a day, she stopped the behavior she had started at school. She loves candy so just discussing the m&m colors gets her excited. She gets them these days too on and off whenever she asks for them but she feels proud when I pick her up. She tells me what all she did and how she played with her friends. She gives me a report and glows with happiness when I say she is always a good sweet little girl. Progress is slow. Some days are easy with Anju and she is just herself. Smiling, mischievous, compassionate, helpful and ever lovable. Some days, she has it a little harder. I wish I could read her mind and know what is going on. I don't want her to feel grief or sadness. I know we cannot undo the Florida trip or it's aftermath. Part of me wants to analyze it and see what might have triggered her regression. The rest of me is just so grateful to see Anju be a 'lilypot' again.
Meditation has been my mantra. I meditate every day for 20 minutes. It has helped me so much. It keeps me in a place of love and gratitude. That's the place I want to live in.
